Expectations are crucial to our interpersonal relationships. Our expectations are protective in nature and keep us from being mistreated. However, there are moments in relationships where our expectations may not align with another person’s. So, how can we manage other people’s expectations of us? And is that even our job?

I like to live in accordance with the manta – ‘I will own what’s mine’. Meaning, managing my own role in an interpersonal relationship is important to having healthy dynamics – and furthermore it is a way to ‘manage’ other people’s expectations of me.  If I show up authentically, set clear boundaries, and communicate effectively, I believe we have shown up in a way that clearly shows our expectations in a relationship, and what other’s should expect of us.

Here are a few tools to showing up authentically and in turn communicating our boundaries and expectations effectively:

1.     Stop People Pleasing

Often times when we show up in a boundaryless way we give more than we are able to and end up feeling resentful. What happens next is that we shut down and withdraw from others’, leaving the person feeling confused about the expectations in the relationship. Showing up authentically and as you are is a powerful tool to manage other people’s expectations from the start of a relationship. This means being mindful and checking in with yourself about how much you are able to give to this person or situation, and acting in accordance with your own needs.

2.     Boundaries

Boundaries are a line we will not cross, both internally and externally. We draw boundaries in our emotional and intellectual worlds, in our physical spaces, and in terms of time and energy. Knowing clearly what your boundaries are, and what the objectives around them are, is crucial to managing others’ expectations

For example, if your boss expects you to get a project out by a certain time, it is our responsibility to set boundaries with ourselves around how much time and energy we will spend on this project, and set boundaries with your boss around how realistic this objective is.

3.     Communication

Being clear and concise in the communication of our boundaries is another crucial step in managing others’ expectations. Being clear about what we are willing and able to put into the relationship is important. This includes clarity around how much emotional and mental energy we are able to give, how much time we are able to physically give to the relationship, and how much energy we can spend in the relationship. Remember, No is a full sentence.

4.     Energy

A major part of any relationship or anything we show up for in life is the energy in which we do it. Boundaries come from a place of love, and showing up with love and acceptance for ourselves and other’ is a resource that is always available to us.